Some people have looked at me and said I have no worries, no problems, dat Ďmi alrightí, that Iíve been spoilt and never or donít have it hard, and that Iím privileged. I could just bank my pay. Some just looked at me and said I was rich.
Ten or so years ago I hated it when anyone said that I had no responsibilities, because I didnít have any children, or a house, or a car, or whatever. How dare they! I never quite understood why they decided those things about me. It wasnít as if they were all bogged down with debts, families, and mortgages as far as I could see either. It seemed unfair. Could it have been because of the colour of my skin, or the way I talked or walked, or the school I went to? Was it because I looked innocent and was very easy going? Well, I just resented it. You see, Iíve always felt that just because Iím alive, I exist. I am a member of the universe that influences me and I influence it - that was major responsibility in itself. I didnít need to be repaying a vehicle loan, be a house owner or renter, or struggling to find school fees, in order to have responsibilities. We are all responsible!
I donít resent it anymore. Itís not that they were right in what they were thinking or saying, Ďcause they werenít. Itís that looking at my life then and now, I can see how blessed Iíve always been. To this day, Iím amazed at how and why I am where I am. By no means am I satisfied with my life and its progress. I do wish though that I had done more, had less pain, my own family, less stress, and other stuff. But, it could be so, so, so much worse, especially considering some of the choices Iíve made in the past. I have to say though, there is no secret that anything I have or achieved wasnít done on my own. My support system is simply amazing. So Iíve made conscious decisions to:
*be GRATEFUL for everything that I have and donít have.
*wisely PRAY for the things that I think I need or want, but be ACCEPTING of what I do or do not get.
*unwearyingly UNDERSTAND that there is a time and place for everything.
*continually BELIEVE in God and that He alone knows what perfection is.
*always STRIVE to do my best no matter what may come.
*try to CREATE my own opportunities so that boredom and total reliance on others donít set in.
*always CHERISH and CARE for my friends and family in ways Iíve never done before.
Itís not going to be easy. Itís usually simpler to feel sorry for myself, hide away, sulk, get miserable and depressed, and believe that fate is against me and God hates me. But how can I do that for more than maybe two days? At some stage, Iím gonna have to say, ďWhatís the point?Ē Inherent in me (I hope in all of us to some degree) is the need to progress, to do something, to be recognised, to be of use to others and myself. The issues most likely will still be there. They may even have gotten worse because I was doing nothing real to make them disappear. Sometimes, Iím going to have to lean on others for guidance and solid help, but nobody is going to make the move for me. Why should they? Laziness, disillusionment, and depression arenít cures for anything.
I have a lot of responsibilities, even if it were true that I just have me to take of. Iíve been thinking Ė I actually like the feeling of Ďbeing responsible forí.