I know that the ultimate friend is Jesus, make no mistake about that. But here, where you can actually see and touch them, do you have any friends? How do you know they are your friends? Friends come in many shapes and sizes, and you even have friends for different things and at different times. I’ve heard about best friends, life-long friends, first friend, work friend…whatever. It’s a loosely used word. But I’m very clear on who my friends are. I don’t count a lot of people as friends, because real friends are, believe it or not, hard to find.

I have a friend who wasn’t my friend for a long time. She never even liked me. Probably hated me at that. Today, she’s a friend and a half. In a way, I’m glad we weren’t friends from the beginning, ‘cause now I have a greater appreciation for her. I remember one morning, immediately after I found out I was unexpectedly going to have an extra $6,000 monthly expenditure, she called me. Out of the blue, just to make contact. As I hung up on the ‘bad news call’, the phone rang again and it was her! I was so depressed and frightened by the new need placed on me, that I just started to cry. I was so relieved to hear my friend’s voice on the line. Thank God it wasn’t somebody with whom I would have had to pretend. She’s a busy lady, but after hearing through my sputtering what was wrong, she offered to come by. I told her not to bother, but by noon I got a package with a note – “Don’t worry, lunch is on me.” In the package were some of my favourite foods.

She probably doesn’t remember that occasion, but I haven’t forgotten. This friend helps me to be who I want to be and should be. She also helped me to understand that an earthly friend is there for you, whether you’re burdened or not, hurting or not. He or she may not be able to take that burden or hurt or undesirable thing from you, or give you the answers you need. All they have to do is genuinely be there, spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially – whatever you can be most at the time.

I know of another friend who stood by her friend while she went through the first stages of a miscarriage. They didn’t know that that was what was happening. But - let me call her Faith. It was late one night while she was visiting her pregnant friend that Faith ended up cleaning the sofa that had been stained by her friend’s blood, and drove her to the hospital. Hospitals, in fact, as it turned out UWI was the better place to be at midnight. She paid for the tests and visits because her friend didn’t have a cent, and stayed with her until her family came. She had work the next day and an ailing mother at home, but Faith proved to be a friend anyone would be a loser not to have. No hesitation, no question.

I have about three male friends who, over the years, I have come to treasure and they will always have special places in my heart. I know they are my friends, because no matter what, no matter when, no matter how or at what cost to them, they have been there for me, loved me, and cared for me. Even if it’s just to talk, I knew I could, and can still count on them. It’s not all about what they can do for me, by no means. It’s far deeper than that. They have given to me of themselves. They have opened up to me their souls as it were and I’ve been gentle with them, just as they have been with me. Although I’ve been around guys most of my life, I’ve found it very hard to cultivate those kinds of friendships with men. Knowing that these guys are here for me makes me feel like a millionaire.

My heart is open to welcome new friends. I’d like that actually. But friendships aren’t always like bouncing on white clouds and enjoying cooling, soothing lemonade on a hot day. Friendships go through rough times. That’s how they’re often proven. That’s what makes them strong and last long. And I know that even if I don’t see or talk to any of my friends for weeks or months at a time, they are in my thoughts and I in theirs and I don’t have to worry about calling them at any time. And if we see each other after years, our hearts will feel the same way about each other as they did the last time we were together.

This is partly why I don’t understand how someone can have 1,000 or even 800 of closest friends to say, invite to his or her wedding. How does one really acquire 1,000 friends? That must be it – do you buy them? Barter for them? Swap for them? Another thing I don’t understand is how someone can be my friend and not consider me his or her friend. Aren’t friendships mutual? And explain to me what a ‘best friend’ is. I’ve never quite gotten that one.

I do have a couple of other friends I’d like to tell you about, but I don’t have the time or the space. Question though - whom do you call your friend(s) and why do you call them that?

I’ve been thinking… I hope I’m as good a friend to you, or better, as you have been to me. Thank you.